Can 'Friends With Benefits' Ever Be Successful?

This is one of those questions that I don't think can ever really be answered, for it truly does depend on those in the situations, but it's interesting to think about. When it comes down to friends with benefits I can safely say I've only heard of one situation where it worked out positive. This situation was with one of my friends who is now in a serious relationship with her 'friend with benefits'. After going about the just friends thing with sex as a bonus they both realized they didn't want the other person sleeping with anyone else. Tada, it worked out good because they both wanted the same thing. Now that's like a fairy tale story, well, if you can think of a fairy tale that starts with fuck buddies...anywho.

For most of us though it's always a mystery what the person on the other end of the kiss is really feeling and we always wonder about what that person isn't saying. Truth is, I've told many of my friends in these types of relationships that if they are doing it because they are interested in the guy then they can forget about it working in their favor...like why would a guy want to date you if he can get the sex so easy? Relationships really are the stepping stones to intimacy, they start at a first kiss and then sex is supposed to mean something. So what does that say for friends with benefits if they are dabbling in the most serious thing in most real relationships but not taking it seriously? With that being said, I'm guessing for anything like this, so complicated in nature, would need to have a set of ground rules.

A friends with benefits isn't a relationship, but it is in a way because its two friends who want to not piss the other one off...much different from a one night stand. I remember watching an episode of "Seinfeld" in which Jerry had this sort of relationship with his friend Elaine. It worked for a while, but they had very strict rules. I think some of them were that no one could sleep over, they wouldn't hug/kiss goodbye, they wouldn't do date like things and that it had to just be sex. Now what happens if a guy offers you the option of staying over? This seems like a red flag, but why would he do this if it were just about the sex? How do you know if one person is getting too attached if both members are too proud to ever look vulnerable. Like I said in the beginning, this is a complicated topic and may never become less complicated but it is definitely interesting to think about.

Happy Thanksgiving

Since When Did Love And Cheating Go Hand In Hand?

I may just be a naive girl in a "too fast" world, but I remember when being in a relationship meant something. I remember days when if you were someone's boyfriend of girlfriend it meant the relationship was exclusive, no questions asked. All of the sudden now that means nothing, maybe not suddenly, but I've began to realize that this label holds little weight to what it once meant. Our world is obsessed with sex and lust, the devil would have a field day if you believe in that sort of thing. It's becoming harder and harder to be a "romantic" or believe in love when the meaning is so tainted. Now a days being in a relationship is not simply enough. You no longer have to love the person you're with, in some cases you don't even have to like them that much at all. I used to believe people only dated those who they connected with on a physical and mental level...but then why do people cheat so often?

It confuses me when theres a couple that publicizes their love for one another even though at the root it seems empty. So many men date these women that are so unlike themselves and end up cheating on them. Classic case, the bachlor man who dates the preacher's daughter type. You have to wonder, why would a guy like that date a girl like her when any mutual interests/attraction is probably slim. Then the thought of, is he maybe dating her to corrupt her? Or the final thought for me, is he dating her because he hopes to be a better person because of that relationship. In any case, all three of these reasons, no matter how much sense they might make, don't account for the high percentage oh unfaithfulness in these situations. Why would someone date someone they are just going to cheat on...why not end the relationship before you cheat?

The only thing I could think of after countless pacings was that men really are afraid of being alone...maybe more so than women. Even bachlor men get through their days with numerous hook-ups...an empty form of intamacy but still being touched by someone else...still feeling neccisary and wanted.

And when a man cheats on his girlfriend or pursues sexual interest in another woman, what exactly does that mean I wonder...Maybe simply he wasn't pleased with the relationship at the moment he decided to branch outwards or maybe theres something else. If you are willing to risk your relationship to flirt/be intimate with another person then is it so that you did not care as much as you portrayed for your partner or that you have feelings for the one you are pursuing an affair with because you are putting so much at risk. Until there is more clarity and definition in the word love and meaning in the idea of a relationship I believe that no one is really ever off limits. We're born alone and we die alone, anything in between is pleasurable but never expect it to last.

Should Drunk Confessions Ever Constitute For Anything?

I've always been torn when it comes to this reoccuring question about "drunk confessions". In my experience, I tend to be more impulsive and honest when I'm under the influence...but that's not a fair assumption to assume everyone else shares that tendency. What can we argue though? That people tend to be bolder when they're drunk or lose their conscience?

In any case, this is a confusing situation but can be different depending on the confession I suppose. If it's a classic "oh my God I love you" it's fair to assume that person love everyone in that moment. If it's more like "you're really an amazing person, I wish you would let me back into your life" is where it gets tricky. I assume that people often wait to make these confessions while under the influance because subcontiously they know the confession is ridiculous and hope that their "being drunk" can somehwhat void it out if the confession is unwelcomed. Other cases, I believe while under the influance we lose the ability to censor our comments and ultimately some hidden truth comes out, whether intentional or accidental.

It all comes back to that classic...everything happens for a reason clause. If the words weren't meant to be heard, they wouldn't have been uttered (by drunk or sober lips it makes no difference). The true test for those who are curious would be to bring up the drunk confessions at a sober moment, but this always opens the door for the confessor to deny the statements out of shame or embarassment. Unfortinately, the drunk confession seems to stir up a lot but at the cost of confusion more than any sort of enlightenment. To me drunk confessions bare a shadow of truth but stand weak if the confessor will not say the same words sober. Its better to walk away and hear the same kind words or confessions from someone who is brave enough to say them sober even with the consequence that they may be rejected.